Nothing like a bit of controversy of a morning. The news today about new research suggesting that actually formula fed babies are not any worse off than breast fed ones has touched a nerve I've tried to put behind me for about 7 months.
If only Professor Sven had done his research then maybe I could've been spared weeks of anguish over being a bad mother. Lots of women try and find they can't do it for one reason or another (mastitis, latching on problems, thrush etc). But for me the problem was in my head, by that I mean I was becoming depressed. I found it harder to bond with my baby whilst feeling like this. I just can't explain how low and dismal I felt about it all.
The main issue was my toddler who just didn't get it - why was Mummy attached to this interloper? What about ME mummy?! At times she tried to pull the baby off me (which in a crowded park is slightly tricky - not only are left with a bare, naked boob on show while you run around the park trying to catch said toddler, but you have a tiny baby screaming about the removal of her lunch). It was just all too much. With post natal depression a spectre only ever at the corner of my vision, I was dreading its return so I turned to a box of Aptamil. Me, the baby, the toddler and my husband did not look back.
Him indoors was so wonderfully supportive. I found a new respect for him. He was wonderful. Things started to calm down. I became happy. And when I was happy, the whole family was happy (clearly me as a crawling mass of uber girl hormones was not good for anyone - except perhaps divorce lawyers).
So for all you breastfeeding mums out there I have a HUGE amount of respect for you (and I'm not convinced that breast isn't best either - it must be otherwise why would be created that way?), but for all those who choose not to, don't beat yourself up. You are most certainly not alone.
Read Muddling Along Mummy's excellent post a couple of days ago for more on this.
6 comments:
Thanks for reading.