Confusion

I read this article on the train this morning, courtesy of Tim from Bringing up Charlie who had tweeted it.  It's about the rise in female depression brought about by the endless juggling of jobs, childcare etc and loss of identity.  Some of it rang true, I'd bet any woman reading it would find something familiar there. 

I read the Alison Pearson book How does she do it? a while ago and saw myself in there to an extent (minus the massive salary and affair with client).  I've been having a bit of an identity crises of my own lately (I posted about one area of this anonymously recently), which has led me to think, who am I?

The answer, of course, is I'm different things to different people, as we all are.

Bear with me while I take you on the journey of an average day in this Mummy's Life.

First thing in the morning

Most definately a mum.  Woken by the toddler as she climbs on top of me for a cuddle. Then demands we 'go downstairs watch Fireman Sam!" Bleary eyed I find my slippers and start the day.

The baby wakes about 10 mins later, so I go up and change her, bring her down, give her some milk.

I become a Wife briefly as I make 2 cups of tea (one for me and one for him indoors).  Wake him up and remind him he has joint responsibility for our off spring and could he please stop the toddler redecorating the living room with the Roary the Racing Car jigsaw puzzles.

Back to Mum, I shove a bowl of cereal in my mouth, feed the girls, then shower and dress in about 5 mins.

I then become Boss Number 1. as I smile nicely, if I can muster it, to the nanny and run out the door.

Commute to work

I'm me for a short hour or so whilst I'm on the train, blogging on my iphone, reading the paper, answering emails, tweeting or just falling asleep (mostly).

At work

I'm Boss Number 2 for most of day,  mixed with therapist/counsellor/friend oh and respected PR professional (must remember that bit).

I might be a Friend for a brief coffee, or a daughter on a phonecall.

Going home

Then back to being me on the train home. Albeit a rather tired and jaded me.

Finally back to the best job of all, being a mum. 

Evening

Eventually when the kids are asleep I'm Holly.  We are Holly and Phil.  Two people, great friends, who don't spend enough time together, chatting about our days and eating a hastily prepared meal, or a take away curry.

Like everyone else who lives this crazy double life, it's just life.  It's just what we do (god I sound like Captain Adorable).  Doesn't make us special or clever or amazing.  But it can make us depressed occasionally.  It can make us tired and stressed and worried that we do nothing very well.

It's little wonder we have identity crises every now and then and think we want to be more of one thing than the other.  It takes a thick skin and a strong stomach to get through it some days.

But like everyone else I try to just get on with it.  Thank God for this blog as a place to off load and thank God for the kind, generous people who read it and comment and make me feel good about my life.

For Josie's writing workshop: prompt number 5: Pick an emotion that best describes your state of mind right now…I wrote about confusion.