Joy

I feel like celebrating the things that bring me joy.  And the irony of the weather today and the content of this post is not lost on me, but I wanted to say it anyway.

I want to write about what the coming of Spring means to me, how the leaves budding on the trees makes me feel like a girl again. I want to remember how much I love making my children laugh, how much I love them making me laugh.

I want to celebrate the new beginnings that Spring brings. The opportunity to start again, or at least wipe the slate clean. The warmth as it starts to build in the heavens. The sun as it gently sinks behind the big chestnut tree in the garden, the one that is tentatively beginning to give itself up to the change in season.

I am bubbling with joy at all I can see in our little patch of this island. Our place, our home. I am singing with the sound of the birds as they start to gain momentum, glad that they can find worms in the ground. As I look at the little birdhouse that the Toddler and I fixed to the tree rather amateurishly I am amazed that there’s actually a Bluetit that seems to be calling it home.

Surely I couldn’t have actually put that something up that appears to be working in the way it should?

But that seems a pretty good metaphor for my life right now. Things I have done seem to finally be working in the way they should. The hours I put in with my nose to the grindstone seem to have paid off in the form of this house we are in. The sleep depravation and post natal depression seems to be relinquishing itself to the greatest joy of my life, being a parent.

The endless arguments with my husband about such incredibly mundane and stupid things seem to finally have lost their energy. Maybe we are just tired of it all, maybe we both realise the value of each other. What we have is special. It’s a partnership but it has magic too. It has moments of pure joy.

I realise that life is short. I realise that life should be lived and enjoyed. I am also not naïve enough to think life won’t continue to challenge me. More problems to overcome, more challenges with my children that will leave me begging God or someone to help me. Just help me to get through it.

But that’s just life and all that comes with it.

I have worked something out recently. I have seen that when I am happy, genuinely happy inside, not just putting a brave face on it (which actually I rarely do, I’m not good at hiding feelings), people around me, people who love me are happy too. It’s taken me 36 years to arrive at this lightbulb moment but better late than never.

So if I can just keep on doing the things that keep me happy, keep me rolling along without too many dips, life should be okay.

And anyway everyone knows life is better when the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the children are laughing.
Thank God for Spring.

I also want to say a MASSIVE thankyou to the wonderful people who took part in the inaugural Little Film Club. Just watching those films made me feel like I knew you a bit better, which was the idea, they also raised a fair few laughs. It really made me happy. So I'll keep on with it so give it go.  I'll definately keep on blogging.  Sorry but you're stuck with me.

xx