Running on empty

You remember Blue Peter?  (actually I think it's still on, blimey).  They had regular 'totalisers' trying to raise money for penguins or ewoks or something.

It'd go up steadily every day (maybe they still do, but in some sort of technological wizardry).  In the old days it was a pretty simple cardboard affair.

That's sort of how I feel now.  Like the totaliser, only in reverse.  With each broken night, with each meltdown over something unbelievably ridiculous (this morning it was because she wanted 'big' on her toothbrush, not the smear they recommend on the pack), I feel like my totaliser arrow is going down.

I have all but given up on booze, I have all but given up on late nights (I am in bed by 10pm latest, I know I'm just so rock n' roll these days).  I walk about 30 mins each day (even if it's just to and from the train, it's exercise right?).  But I'm totally bloody knackered.

Yesterday we had a gorgeous day.  My sisters came over with their brood.  Seven kids in all varying in age from 12 down.  It was a truly wonderful family day.  The sort I envisioned when I had kids, when we bought this house and when the sun comes out.

Children happily playing in the garden (something to do with 'bases' and 'camps' - the games never change do they, my sisters and I used to play similar ones), me and my sisters drinking tea, flicking through magazines, discussing our lives, the world, the universe.  It was perfect.

Ok there was the odd tearful "Mummy, XYZ has invaded my base and I said they couldn't!", but nothing more than you'd expect.  I was proud and delighted to see that my Toddler was in her cousin's 'team'.  Imagine that a 2.5 year old with her big grown up 7 year old cousin whom she totally adores.  It was a new experience for me.  Seeing her take part in games with older kids, she was the youngest, apart from the Baby of course.

But the net result, sadly, was a very overtired toddler who screamed the house down until sleep took over.  Actually it wasn't that bad, it was just that I was tired too.

So I guess the point I'm trying to make in my usual round about sort of way is this.  However knackered you are, however much you feel you simply can't move your weary body out of bed, you do, because you have to and actually life is more fun when you do make the effort to.  Today we have some friends coming over and we're going to a children's farm.  Glutton for punishment or a Mum trying to make the best of the weekend?

Sometimes making the effort is good, even if you are just running on empty.

Speaking of which, it's a gorgeous, sunny day and set to be a lovely weekend.  I am fully expecting to see MORE little films linked up between now and Monday, or I will be very sad indeed (and my mascara runs and makes a terrible mess when I'm sad).

xx