There are a few people who just don't comment, or say that all babies go at their own pace, which is what I believe to be true.
So I was shocked, concerned, worried and guilty when my baby, who gets left out of this blog alot due to the antics of her louder, more Oscar winning big sister, was diagnosed with something called Hypermobility.
Apparantly it's nothing to worry about, and I have some activities to do with her to encourage her to use her muscles more. Her hips, knees and ankles are overly mobile, so she finds it harder than some babies to sit up, crawl and will eventually take longer to walk.
The thing is the internet is littered with scare mongering articles.
For example, this from Skills for Action:
Children with joint hypermobility often have a very cautious nature (often referred to as the highly sensitive child). The term for this temperament trait is behavioural inhibition (BI). Children with BI tend to avoid activities that are new, are perceived as being difficult and require intense physical effort. They also tend to be less persistent and give up easily. This tendency to avoid activities that are strenuous means that the child is does not develop the strength and endurance that other children gain from being active and taking on physical challenges.
So ordinarily I might just brush this off as internet extremism, but I can't. You see my Baby is very laid back. Everyone who meets her comments on her 'calmness' and her slightly ethereal quality. She is never any trouble, she is quite content to sit and play and she adores it when the Toddler shows her attention (she adores it when anyone shows her attention).
Perhaps the 'laid back' trait is actually what they call behavioural inhibition in the making (surely at 10 months she's too young for psychiatric terminology?). And then of course the obvious questions come flooding in. Is it something I've done? Have I not done enough with her? All the usual insecurities about my ability to be their mother come to the fore.
And yet with one child who is the polar opposite of behaviourally inhibited I feel that they will probably be a good match for each other. Maybe the Toddler will encourage the baby with learning new things, taking on new challenges. Hopefully she will look out for her baby sister. Perhaps the Baby will help the Toddler calm down a bit and just sit and read a book or something (when they're older clearly). The thought of it makes me so excited for the future.
As mothers we worry about how we bring up our children, we never stop worrying about them around the clock. But I never get really anxious about them, I see them as little people who are developing in their lives with their own journeys to go on. I'm their mother but I don't own them, it's important to me they discover who they truly are and don't get told that by me or anyone else. So whilst I care for them and love them so much it hurts, I don't force them into things before they are ready.
But this diagnosis together with the fact that I missed it and just assumed she was doing things at her own pace, make me wonder if I'm too relaxed as a parent. Maybe I need a bit of neurosis injected into my rather haphazard maternal instinct. Is there a line I've crossed here, am I too laid-back?
I would also like to ask if anyone has any experience with Hypermobility and if so have you found any decent resources?
Thanks
xx
ps: I want to caveat post with the knowledge that many people have very big challenges with their children and this is very small in comparison. I am not belittling anything anyone else goes through, merely sharing my own experiences here on this blog. Just needed to say that.
Ooh this is jolly interesting because I was told by doctors when I was younger - about five -(I had flat feet) that I had hypermobile joints and Hypermobility. Being the 80s my mother never googled it and I had never really considered what that meant - until now reading this blog!
ReplyDeleteMy "foot doctor" at the time simply said I would make an excellent footballer because with hyper mobile joints they roll and move more freely so less likely to break bones and can do crazy flicks. I was a girl and hated games and therefore couldn't think of anything worse!
When I read that description of what a child may be like with hypermobility I would say that is exactly what I was like as a child - quite shy, didn't really like games lessons or running around for long, quite hyper sensitive really but instead I would read a lot, would observe the world and people around me with great interest and would be quite happy playing nice quiet make believe games.
I really couldn't say that that would have anything to do with my Hypermobility, I just thought that was my personality and was happy being like that.
But what I can confirm is I grew out of it and now I'm now quite a chatty, confident mum and journalist with drive and ambition - although not in the physical sense I have to admit.
People have often said Im so laid back Im almost horizontal but I've seen that as a good thing and that I can cope well with life, so if hypermobility has given me that then Im pleased.
I think (but could be just being lazy) it may only have prevented me from enjoying any kind of sport (except swimming maybe)especially running but that's only given me more time to write or read. lovely jubbly.
please don't worry, if your little one is a little shy andsensitive, it may be to do with that but I never knew that and I coped just fine and have always underneath it all been a very happy person.
Louise