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Things not to do with small children around #1

Try and dye your own hair.

Here’s why.

 - you will realise that one or other of the children have taken the handy plastic gloves and you’ll have to risk peroxiding your hands once you realise you have no rubber gloves ANYWHERE in the house and the gardening gloves are covered in slugs.

- you will of course throw half of the ‘colourator’ or whatever it’s called on the floor and quickly have to clean it up in a fraction of a second before the baby crawls in it and colourates herself.

- once you manage to mix it up and get some of it on your hair, you will of course have to rush to the bedroom to find the 3 year old trying to push the baby off the bed. You will then try not to drip noxious substances on them whilst calming everyone down

- when it’s all on your head, albeit in bits, you will of course notice a great splodge on your ear and your neck. That will take weeks to fade. You will be caught out for the home-hair-dyer that you secretly are.

- finally you will forget about it whilst you multi-task and clean the bathroom since the children are occupying themselves eating lego, finding razor blades or prescription medication. Your hair will give Cheryl Cole a run for her money.

During all of this you will resist the urge to scream at your husband to take the kids for just 20 minutes while you try and get rid of the grey for long enough to look convincing at a very important company meeting tomorrow.

Never mind. It’ll do. And the fact I didn’t manage to dye either girls’ beautiful blonde heads in the process was actually pretty damn impressive.

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