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The final push

As you may know (if you read this regularly) I’ve written a novel, a manuscript I think I should say, it’s women’s fiction. A rather good story (that’s not me saying that, I’ve had my best friend read it and she’s tougher than you might think, she once told me a painting I’d done was ‘a bit crap Holly’, and I thanked her for it).  I also have a wonderfully, brilliant copy editor who has really helped me along the way and she thinks it’s half decent too.

But you know what? The writing part of it seems really small now.  I made a fundamental mistake in this journey. I didn’t write down the basics as I went, like ages and eye colours and locations and dates. So I’m now faced with editing the whole thing (all 85,000 words) and trying to get the timeline right. As well as tightening it up in places and adding depth in others. It’s technical shit this writing lark.

It’s one hell of a job and to be honest I’m just a little bit scared by it. I know I have to make this the best it can be to be in with any chance at all of getting anyone to represent me, and now I’m crippled by inertia. What if I can’t make it the best it can be, what if my best just isn’t good enough?

I know I’m not alone in this confidence crisis. Of course I’m not. But that little voice in the back of my head that’s telling me that I’m kidding myself is trying very hard to make itself heard. So far I’m blocking it out by typing very fast and keeping busy with the children and work and oh yes writing this blog, but it’s only a matter of time before it really gains ground.

I so want this book to see the light of day, I can’t quite believe I’ve written it and since I have well, it would nice if a few people might read it. I know it’s a tough road ahead and I know I’ll have to learn to live with rejection and all that stuff, but somehow if I’ve ‘made it the best it can be’ I’ll at least feel like I’ve given it a good shot.

Excuse the rather open forum for my insecurities but it’s my blog and I’ll rant if I want to.

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