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My little heartbreaker

She’s peacefully sleeping in my bed, after a long and broken night, of bad dreams and losing Milo and covers falling off. I’m getting ready for work in the half darkness, just the hall light giving me some idea of where my tights are hiding. She’s starting to stir, her teeth grinding, her arms starting to flail in the way they do when she’s just about to wake up. Shaking off her dreams. She opens her eyes and searches me out, seeing that I’m dressed she becomes anxious. “Naughty mummy,” it’s a statement, directed at me for some reason I simply don’t understand, getting dressed without her permission? Going to work? Probably. “Morning darling.” Her eyes stay open now, just awake, she’s seconds away from tears. I just know these things. “Mummy, will you take me to nursery today and pick me up?” I think about this for a minute. I could lie to hold off the tears and kicking and screaming as her only way of expressing her dissapointment. But that would be wrong. The truth is more brutal but it’s the reality of our life. “Not today darling, on Friday.” Her little face starts to crumple, I go to her and try and cuddle her, picking up her sleep heavy body with it’s heavenly scent. But she’s cross with me. “No go away horrible Mummy.” I try a few more times but it’s not going to work this morning. So instead I tell her I love her, and leave her to wake up. For someone who wakes up so eye wateringly early every day she’s really not a morning person. I don’t even get to see my littlest one, she’s lost to the land of dreams and always sleep far later than her big sister. I wonder if she’ll still have her wellies on when she wakes up.

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Comments

  1. It’s grim isn’t it – we had tears (from me and her) when I told Bigger last night I wasn’t going to be there today…

    Hang on in there

  2. Oh Holly, it’s just horrible – and just for the record you’re not a naughty Mummy, just one that’s doing a bloody good job X

  3. I remember those days so well…they will pass!! x

  4. some days it really sucks to be a working mum x x x

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