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I’ve had a few days at home this week whilst I have been settling in a new childcarer. It’s been challenging in parts (isn’t it always when you must learn to trust someone new to look after the most precious things in the world), but it’s been wonderful to spend more time with my girls.  I realise during weeks like this just how much I miss out on by working.  There’s a huge flip side to that argument though involving things like mortgages, bills and sanity. 
Anyway it can become easy to get sad.  To get sad about the things I miss. To get sad about if the girls are happy. To get sad about how my relationship with them is affected.  And then, as if by fate, something happens that helps you realise it’s all okay really. 
I was working in a coffee shop this morning (by way of spending a couple of hours out of the house for aforementioned childcarer to bond with Tilly and for me to get some work done), when a friend of mine who is also one of the mothers from Eliza’s nursery popped in. We had a coffee and a chat.  She told me how sweet it was that her daughter called Eliza ‘smiley’ because she was, quite simply, always smiling.  Eliza has a beautiful smile (I would say that) and it lights up the room and her face.  It’s infectious and it makes me so happy.  So to know that she is like this most of the time fills me with a mix of relief, pride and love. 
When I got home I walked in to see Tilly trying to put her cat mask on the childcarer and them both meowing.  I figured this was a good thing and Tilly looked like a happy, normal 2 year old.   
I then went to pick up Eliza from nursery and as we all stood outside waiting for our children, who all come out as their names are called, Eliza came to the door and held up a plastic bag with some cooking creation she had made and announced “Happy Mothers day Mummy! I made this for you.”  I bent to pick her up and squeeze her.  
There is little in the world as good as a cuddle with a happy, smiley, gorgeous 4 year old called Eliza, except perhaps a cuddle with a cheeky, soft, smiley gorgeous 2 year old called Tilly. If only I could bottle that feeling and take it to work with me. 
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