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From Childcare to Mummy Porn in one post

One of the recurring themes of this blog is my guilt at being a working mother, my angst at finding the right carer for my children and my general crapness at being their mother.  It’s a fascinating read. Honest.

Of course with all this moaning about guilt and angst and crapness it’s easy to get stuck in something of a whinging rut. I’m really good at it actually, I have lots of practice.

So it’s with some surprise that I find myself in a situation where I’m actually rather happy with our childcare situation now. The girls seem very happy, they don’t cry when it’s not a ‘mummy day’ and they don’t press my guilt buttons nearly as much as they used to.  This is all great. It is isn’t it? I mean I should be super happy. And I am. But my inner-whinger (as opposed to my inner-goddess – more on 50 Shades later) isn’t happy.

Does that mean my girls don’t love me anymore? Don’t want mummy to look after them? Does it mean their nanny’s better than me? (quite possibly she is when it comes to glitter and paint). The fact that Eliza in a moment of pure 4 year old manipulation told me she liked her nanny more than me was harsh and did, admittedly, leave me in tears (hidden in the downstairs loo, like a normal grown up).

So here’s what I tell myself. It means they are happy and secure and you have found them someone lovely to look after them when you can’t. That’s it. I’m sure.

(Please don’t feel you have to stay and listen to this conversation I’m having with myself by the way).

So onto more pressing matters. 50 Shades of Grey. I’m halfway through the first book and frankly I’m bored. Dare I say that after the endless hype it’s something of an anti-climax (see what I did there?)

50 Shades of Grey, personally I’m not convinced

Does it get any better once she ‘signs the contract’? Because right now I’m thinking that the plot’s a bit thin. But maybe I’m missing the point. Surely people don’t really just read this for the sex scenes? Presumably there’s already a market in erotic fiction so what would be the point? Or maybe 50 Shades is just a more acceptable version of erotic fiction. It’s been described as ‘mummy porn’. I’m not sure an 18 year old girl and a 27 year old man having kinky sex does it for me though. Maybe I’m just weird. Or maybe I’m (sadly) just too old for it.

I realize I’m probably a bit behind the curve on this book anyway but after several people told me I just had to read it and the unbelievable hype (that I realise I’m adding to, the irony is not lost on me) I felt that maybe I should. Not loving it just yet though. I’m still waiting for the story to start, surely it must be soon? Fair play to the writer though.  I love a good rags to riches story and she did amazingly well in marketing it this far.

On balance I think I’ll plough on…

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Comments

  1. From all the reviews I’ve read it doesn’t get better – I didn’t manage to make it through the sample chapter

    Google Bizzyblog and 50 shades – best review ever

  2. Good luck with that one. I’m giving 50 shades a wide berth. I’m sure your children, if not yet, will one day appreciate how hard you work for them.

  3. it only gets worse……and I have read all three Grey books now (I wouldn’t admit that to anyone, you know.) Let me know if you need a synopsis to save the effort of reading the phrase ‘Holy Crap!’ every 300 words.

  4. haven’t been tempted to read the Grey books…yet…!

    really pleased girls are happy x

  5. Haven’t been tempted yet but completely agree with you……fair play to the author!

  6. Despite the hype or maybe because of it I’m refusing to read the 50 shades books (bit like my refusal with Twilight), but as for the childcare feelings – oooh, I’ve been there, streaky mascara and all. The fact is though that you will always be the ultimate favourite and thank goodness they are with someone who they are happy with and have fun with too. Still feels horrible though, totally relate.

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