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A Note to Myself About the Good Times

It occurred to me today, when the girls were running a race to the tree swing on a walk we sometimes do nearby, that the ages they are now feels like the most fulfilling so far.  They are still very little, only 3 and almost 5 (in two weeks), but they are just such a delight to be around. Clearly they are less fun when Tilly is trying to put her head through the arm of her jumper (cue complete wobbler) or when I inadvertently do something that Eliza wanted to do first (this is a BIG issue lately), but that’s just because they are children.

It’s no secret that I wasn’t hugely well prepared to be a mother, there is so much that no one tells you, no one wants to burst your bubble during pregnancy.  The reality of being a mum hits you square in the jaw when you’ve had 3 minutes sleep in 24 hours, your whole body aches not only from giving birth but from the endless flow of hormones that race through your veins. Your entire frame of reference is completely turned upside down, it sounds so contrite, but life as you knew it is a very long way away and you’re not sure you’ll ever feel like yourself again.

But I acclimatised and anyway who can resist that first smile, which when it comes, fills you with such sheer joy you forget, for a moment, all the fear and pain of the first few weeks.  Then the first full night’s sleep, when that comes (and it does eventually) makes the world feel just that bit more normal.  And finally you settle into a routine.

But this isn’t a post about every stage of their life so far, it would be impossible to condense that into a pithy blog post and actually I’ve been writing this blog for most of their lives anyway.  No this is a just a post to tell myself when I look back that right now is a Good Time.  My girls are challenging, heartbreaking and I still find the responsibility of being their mother completely overwhelming; emotionally, morally and physically, but right now I can see these two little people making their own unique assault on the world.

Through the relationships they have with each other, with me, with their dad, with their friends and their carers they are testing out what it means to be in the world, what their role and place is within it and how they behave.  It’s fascinating and it makes every day I’m with them more of an adventure.  We’ve had some amazing times together over the past few months, really beautiful, memorable days. Simple things like turning a walk in the woods into a nature trail (or a slug hunt according to Eliza who found 16), makes everything more exciting for them. The connections are forming in their brains at the rate of knots and it’s pretty awesome to watch.

I’ve written before about trying not to begrudge the early starts, but to look on them as a gift that will be mine for a short time.  At some point life will become less fascinating to them, as will I, and lying in bed will win out, but for now I’m infected by their enthusiasm for the mundane and their curiosity in all things.

And it’s not coincidence that I’m writing this on a Sunday night.  After three days with my most precious girls I’ve got to know them again. That probably sounds ridiculous, but as we all know they change so much every second of every day and it’s only by spending time doing the everyday things as well as the special ones that you reconnect.

So I’m just rounding off this indulgent contemplation on my children with a couple of pictures from recent weekends, just as a note to myself about the good times.

Climbing trees (heart in my mouth).

Just about 3 weeks ago – it was boiling!
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Comments

  1. So very true!

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